SINGLE PARENTING SUCKS. Yeah, I Said It!

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WEED: Pink Lemonade + Jack Herer


Listen, being a single parent SUCKS sometimes and anyone who tells you differently is a damn liar! There, I said it! ::hides under desk [just kidding. what desk?😂]:: Now that I’ve got that little bit out the way, please allow me to elaborate before you cyber-stone me. Haha.

The operative word in the ranty sentence is sometimes. Parenting is many things and in addition to being occasional suckiness, it’s also rewarding, loving, funny, fun, exciting, and scary. We’re human and that means we have human experiences, so why wouldn’t parenting reflect that logic? It’s never all rainbows and sunshine in life and one shouldn’t expect any role or experience to be either.

And yet, somehow I imagined that it would be smooth as a baby’s bottom. I truly don’t know how I could have been so silly as to think that, but I guess what they say is true in that you never really know until you walk a day in another pair of shoes (I paraphrased, haha). I imagined that I’d be one of those idyllic moms who bakes, sews Halloween costumes, and is head of the PTA.

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HA! While there are many such mothers out there, I certainly am not one of them! Yes, in one way or another, I’ve done all of those things or something related to it, but I’m no Betty Homemaker. Life turned out to be much different than my young and excited musings. When I had my daughter, I was going through a long, scary, painful divorce; I worked full-time; and I was in my early 20s.

I never imagined I’d be going at it alone (I use alone in reference to being a single parent. it took a village with this Kiddo) and yet there I was faced with it. So, that meant more pressure on one person rather than two. Of course the bond with my child suffered because I simply didn’t have the luxury of being as present as I would like to have been.

Any single parent out there reading this knows exactly what I’m talking about. It’s the missed school performances to the late after-school pickups to the rushed dinner/homework time. It sucks. That’s the part that really and truly makes parenting so tough, in my opinion. Knowing that you should be present, and WANTING to be, but having to choose not to.

I can’t tell you how many times I chose work over presence. And to be clear, I believe it is a choice between going to work or staying with your kid. It’s not a choice we actively want to make, but it’s one we have made nonetheless. So, I chose to go to work because I knew if I didn’t go, things would likely decline rather than improve. To avoid that, I had to lean heavily on my parents to help me raise her.

It also meant knowing I may not be able to be as close to her as I should be without really working hard to strengthen our bond. Finally now, ten years later, I’m able to really put in the work to do that. The past several months have been focused on my parenting behaviors and I’m seeing the differences in a very rewarding way!

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That last line deserved a dancing gif. 😁

For all those parents out there who feel like they suck and that they made a thousand mistakes, I say this to you: yeah, you probably did fuck up, BUT you can always fix it! That may mean a different type of relationship, but it doesn’t have to be any less valuable. For me, I knew I needed more time to be the best mom I could. I needed time to get my own head right so I could start being who she needs me to be.

So, I quit my job. Not only was it a racist, shithole of a place (good pay though, haha), but I was absolutely miserable there. One day I came home, and The Kiddo said, “Mom, you’re like a zombie.” I quit that fucking place shortly after she said that and I’ve never looked back. Hearing my kid tell me how much of myself was missing, meant one thing to me: she was missing out, too.

Thankfully, I was in a position where I could do that. I know quitting isn’t an option everyone has. Lord knows it has NOT been easy by any stretch of the imagination, BUT I needed to do what I thought was best for my situation. MANY great things have spawned from that decision that otherwise would never have happened. One of those things is that my daughter is closer to me than ever before.

I can attend almost all of her performances; go to parent-teacher conferences without rushing or doing it over the phone; I can even volunteer for events. Now, I’m DEFINITELY still not that perfect mom. I still work, but only part-time and now I have entrepreneurial projects I work on; however, I can pick her up from school myself right when the bell rings. She can eat dinner without rushing and we can work on her homework without either of us wanting to scream. Lol!

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Those seemingly insignificant things that many people might take for granted are huge to us. My work schedule never allowed for much of that availability before. This newfound freedom to experience her childhood in a very present way is such a major reward. I’m definitely basking in the glow of appreciation right now. 🙏🏽

Lately, I’ve been trying to work on her confidence and our communication, so we started a mother-daughter blog. We write a recap of our days and focus on our interactions throughout the day. While it’s a private blog, it is multi-functional. It helps develop her own writing skills (uh, mom is a writer, OF COURSE she needs to be excellent at that); it encourages her to be mindful (she has to be very descriptive); and it allows both of us to be open with each other; and it teaches her about blogging. WIN!
So, in closing, yes, parenting can be Sucky McTastic, BUT, it’s also all the good things in the world. Don’t beat yourself up for acknowledging the shitty aspects; just find a way to make them more fun and less shitty.
Til next time, my friend.
Hardy Har
The Pursuit of Higher Self
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Hey, ASSHOLE, Thanks a Bunch!

Hey guys! So, this is going to be a little different from my usual stuff. I need to vent a bit. Here goes:

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Yesterday, someone who is very loosely acquainted with my boyfriend, and even less acquainted with me, took it upon himself to tell my boyfriend that I am not good enough for him. Yeah, you read that right −a virtual stranger fixed his mouth (or fingers to type, in this case) to tell Dean some craziness like that!

This man went on to give all these “reasons” why I am not on Dean’s level and should be left behind because, and here’s the best part, I’m holding him back! Well, I’m sure you can guess that I didn’t much appreciate that, but before I get into all the reasons why this guy is way off base, let me give you a little background.

Dean and I are REALLY dedicated to and involved with personal growth. We pretty much eat, breathe, and sleep it all day, everyday. We’re always finding ways to stay connected to that passion for progression so we, yes WE, created a FB group dedicated to personal growth. We’ve been painstakingly selective with the members added because we wanted to make sure it was a good environment for people at all different levels of personal growth.

It’s been a really good thing so far and several people have gotten a lot of value out of being able to converse and network with like-minded individuals. Yesterday, I posted in the group that I was happy to announce that I now have an accountability partner who happens to be close to Dean and is in our group. I was really happy to share that because I’m not someone who pretends to have my shit together. I KNOW I don’t and I’m not ashamed to admit I could use any and all support.

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Well, little did I know, that would trigger Mr. Asshole to decide he needed to save “Dean’s life” from his wretched girlfriend. Haha. Well, please allow me to enlighten you all (and the asshole) on just how awful I really am. For Dean’s business, I am the one who wrote all the copy, from top to bottom, on his wonderful bottles for his product. Me. I wrote it in about 6 minutes because I am just AWESOME like that.

In addition to that, many of the ideas he is now using or was inspired by were mine. I was and am happy to share my intellect with him because at the end of the day, that’s my boo. His success means a great deal to me, just as mine means the same to him. It’s called fucking teamwork, yo. Heard of it, Mr. Asshole?

I don’t need to have it all figured out and neither does Dean. Hell, WHO does have it all figured out? I want to find that person because from where I’m sitting, I don’t see perfection anywhere. I admit that we are all at different levels in this game called Life, but I don’t ever think that I am BETTER (or less, for that matter) than anyone else. Where’s the value in that?

What can be gained from seeing yourself in an elevated position so long as you can look down upon others? That’s not what growth is about, people. If you’re still doing things like that, then guess what? YOU have some growing still to do. There is ALWAYS something to be learned from someone who has different struggles than your own.

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Be the hand to help, not the one to hinder.

 

It’s important for me to live in my truth. I try to do that every single day and I am BRUTALLY honest with myself. I don’t need to look at someone else and point out their shortcomings; I have my own to work on. I no longer look outside of myself to criticize. There are plenty of areas of opportunity right in my mirror and I welcome the challenge every single day.

To all the people who are struggling with their issues, their trauma, their depression, their rage, their fear, their conflict, and their strife, this post is dedicated to YOU! You, the reader living with these unbearable things and still choosing to continue the good fight. Please don’t let one asshole, or 20, deter you from your path of personal growth.

Allow it to feed that fire of progressiveness that burns inside you. Encourage your friends and family who may also be struggling by continuously shining brightly and bravely. Please believe me when I tell you that you are worthy of self-love and self-admiration and as soon as you start to believe that, other people will see it and be inspired by you.

I believe in you and I know you can continue on even when the pain feels like it’s burying you. Please know that it isn’t unless you allow it. You hold all the power to your destiny and no one can take that from you. Don’t let some random stranger derail you. Know your own damn worth and fight back in a positive way. There’s nothing that says FUCK YOU louder than the boisterous sound of SUCCESS and OVERCOMING!

And when all else fails, light up a blunt and start again tomorrow. You got this.

Til next time, friends.

Hardy Har

The Pursuit of Higher Self

Bad Decision/Good Lesson

Hey guys! This is going to be a pretty short blog post and, unfortunately, a sober one! 😩 I bet you’re wondering why that is. Well, in about 7.5 hours, I will be boarding a plane to return to my beloved Cuba!!! I can finally get excited about it now, but let me tell you, today was the f*cking day from HELL! Glad that fiasco is behind me now!

This will be my first time doing an international trip solo. The last time I went to Cuba, I met a friend there and we stayed together and explored side-by-side. I gotta be honest, that was also a nightmare, BUT I learned so much about myself! I mean, I was pushed to my limit in just about every way you can imagine and still managed to have a beautiful experience. ❤️

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I cannot WAIT to return to this beautiful Cuban view! | Photo NOT by me.

Curious about the title? I know I would be curious if I was reading this amazingly awesome blog.😉​ Haha! So, about that title: I made an impulsive move and it resulted in my being SUPER DUPER stressed out! I mean, it got ugly and still isn’t so great, but I learned a valuable lesson. You’d think that after making the same or similar mistakes my whole life, I’d have learned the lessons before now!

Nope! Haha! No such luck here, BUT I finally I arrived to the party and told myself that I will not put myself in a risky situation that causes so much stress again. If the shoe doesn’t fit, I ain’t wearing it! Really, it doesn’t make any sense to make moves in life that cause so much personal mayhem. Why bother? After all, I’m [and YOU] the only who will clean up the messes. Why make life harder?

My advice to myself, and you again, is to LEARN and move on! It’s life. Shit happens and it isn’t all bad or good and it’s always caused by our own decision making. Whatever you’ve done that turned out to be a big slap in the face, I hope you learned from it. I hope you took whatever lesson was there for you, added it to your list of “Well, I’m never doing that again” and forged ahead!

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Or  “big BOY undies.” Whichever works! 🙃

Keep your head up guys! You’re human and sometimes it takes 20 years of making the same redundant mistakes over and over before we realize, “Ah! This doesn’t give me what I want. Time to change it up!” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! It’s what you’re supposed to be doing and frankly, if you think you have it all figured out, I’d bet you a billion bucks you don’t!

Get off your high horse and cut yourself some slack. Your higher self already has and is ready to move the hell on. Please oblige and get to it already! You’re not alone in your pursuit of higher self! We all struggle and do things we regret. Do those things have to be unforgivable acts? Nope, so don’t try to make them. Forgive and [DON’T] forget!

Alright guys, as promised, this was short and sweet. It was more an act of consistency on my part. I told myself, and all of you, last week that I would be consistent. 2018 is the year of DOING WHAT THE F*CK I SAY I WILL! And alas, I pushed out some content to meet my goal. Sounds like a win to me! Thanks for reading, friends. Wish me luck on this crazy trip! 😙

Til next time,

Hardy HarThe Pursuit of Higher Self

Hello 2018: It’s Time to Up the Ante

The only option I have is to succeed in whatever I set out to do.

Happy New Year, my wonderful weed-loving friends and supporters! I hope the end of 2017 rounded out merrily for you and yours and that the intro to 2018 has been off to a magical start!

You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit MIA. What began as a holiday hiatus, quickly segued into a holiday, death-inducing flu recovery. Ya’ll, I have never in my life had a flu like this monster! If you’ve been subjected to the horror that is this season’s nasty influenza nightmare, you deserve a f*cking MEDAL! This thing right here is NO JOKE!

It’s begins like a thief in the night. Not a single problem, symptom, or warning. Then suddenly BAM! You’re knocking on death’s door for 10 miserable days! This illness took out my whole household and then some! Almost everyone in my immediate family has gotten sick with this, except my stepfather and my sister…so far.

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Anyway, I said all that to say that I spent my NYE trying not to perish in my bed from this horrible virus. However, I gotta say that despite all the illness, 2018 is already off to a great start! There have been a couple of things that previously would have had me backpedaling into a semi-negative perception, but not this time!

I accepted all the shortcomings, fails, poor decisions, and missed opportunities of 2017. I chalked it up to “Ok, all that happened, so what’s next?” and decided to keep it moving. I know I put some positive ideas in motion to help me solve some of the problems I created towards the end of the year. Thankfully, I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (FINALLY).

That light brings with it many blessings, but the one that I’m most interested in is “drive.” Yeah, that little five letter word has really given me pause. You see, I’m now 32 years old and I can admit that I’ve spent my life lacking drive and ambition. I was pretty complacent with my life for many years. I had tons of ideas, but no real desire to do anything with them.

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No sense crying over spilled milk. It’s on to the next!

 

But thanks to all the hard [READ painful] work I put into my personal growth last year, I’m proud to report that drive has taken root inside me and I feel it’s quiet buzz and hum under my skin, coursing through my veins. I hear it in the conversations I have with people and I see it in my thoughts.

The realization that I’ve actually committed to something for the long haul, and not my usual temporary distraction, has empowered me! It’s what has kept me focused in my mind while my body has been shutting down. It’s kept me networking and creating valuable connections with people I otherwise may not have engaged with.

It has kept me from getting discouraged and wanting to throw in the towel. It’s what pushes me to write and contemplate new topics. You guys, I can’t stress enough how happy I am about this change within myself! It’s liberating and exciting! I’m driven to see my vision come to fruition and I’m so proud of that. About f*cking time! Haha!

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So, what now? Well, it’s time to up the ante! There were a number of important items on my To Do list that, *surprise*, didn’t get done. I’m so tired of them being incomplete and decided that they will get done by then end of February. Those things include finally launching my new site, uploading my first Podcast episodes (two episodes already recorded), having my logo and cards created, and giving hard energy to my ganja yoga project with my friend.

In the past, maybe all of that would have seemed overwhelming, but now I know I’ll complete those tasks by the deadline (hopefully ahead of schedule). The only option I have is to succeed in whatever I set out to do. I can honestly say, I didn’t feel that way about my blog before. I was doing some of necessary activities and it certainly was important to me, but I still kept thinking of “outs.”

I was the queen of multiple plan Bs. People who know me personally can attest to that. In theory it seems like a good idea to have “options,” but take a it from a person whose life was built on that. It’s hell. Pure mayhem! It created conflict where it never would have been. Everything was a distraction or could potentially be.

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No more options. Time to pick a side and stay there!

And that same principle is what was happening in my mind about the blog. I kept telling myself, “Hey, if this doesn’t work out, you have all these other talents.” Now, it’s not incorrect. I do have other talents, but so what? If I never pick one, what am I truly accomplished at? A whole lotta nada!

But, somehow, while I wasn’t looking, this became the only thing I want to do. I accept that I prefer to communicate by writing and it feels natural. I like it and I want to keep doing it. So that’s it. I don’t have another option because I choose not to. And just like that, a girl is driven. Haha Dope AF. 😎

Dean always tells me, and has been since we met, “I don’t know what you can’t do. I know that when you focus on something, you can max that sh*t out!” I used to be a little baffled by that comment. I never could quite get what he meant. To me it seemed very obvious what I couldn’t do. Tsk tsk. How incredibly shortsighted of me.

Now that I know better, I’m excited to prove my old self wrong. I’m ready to show myself that I can do what in the entire, flying fuck I want. And what I want is to win.

See you next week, guys. As always, thanks for reading.

Hardy Har The Pursuit of Higher Self

 

Let Growth Flourish

Growth. That word is so exciting to see and even better to experience. When people see the word, they immediately correlate it with abundance. Most of us want to grow our family, money, and physical health. Those are all important, but I also want to squeeze in there mental health.

To me, everything begins and ends there. Ultimately, that’s why I started smoking weed. I got to the point where I was comfortable giving it a try to help me control my anxiety. I had no clue it would allow me to learn about who I am.

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Delectable strain of the evening. | Photo credit: Weedphotos.com

I’ve learned so much about my strengths and I’ve learned even more from my weaknesses. I was able to ask myself the question “why am I anxious in this situation?” I knew there was a root to the anxiety, but I didn’t know what. Eventually, I began to ferret out the roots to various problems, thus beginning my transformation.

But, like all things in this life, it must be learned and practiced. I have so many days during which I feel completely overwhelmed. Sometimes throwing up my hands seems like a really good idea in the moment, but I’ve learned that way of thinking is only a learned and practiced behavior. I can always learn and/or implement something better.

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Growing isn’t always easy or pretty, but it’s always worth it in the end.

That’s where I am now. I’m actively learning and practicing new skills daily. My sole desire is to be able to give the perfect amount of my energy to exactly the right subject. I don’t want to be conflicted about things that shouldn’t even matter to me. I want to be assured and confident in all decisions.

With goals like that, I know I’m going to need some help from people who harness the skills I need development with. So, I’ve decided I want a life coach. Yeah, I’ve totally become one of those people who actually wants a life coach. LBVS. Obtaining a life coach is the next like a suped up mentor. Here’s my rationale…

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Photo credit: Coachthelife.com

If I had someone whose entire purpose during our interactions was to help me implement changes permanently, I’d get a turbo boost for this transformation journey. I feel the same way about mental/emotional counseling. A patient pays for a professional’s time and education to help sort out his/her sh*t. The same perspective can be applied to the assistance of a life coach.

If any of my lovely readers know a life coach reasonably priced in Los Angeles, don’t be stingy! Sharing is caring, friends, so please slide into my DM (aka the contact page found here) with the deets. 😘 Have you ever used a life coach or considered doing so? Let me know in the comments below.

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In addition to the life coach decision, I’m also in the process of adding new people to my circle of friends. I really need the extra boost having purposeful relationships can provide. That’s not to say that my existing circle isn’t purposeful, but as I change, so do my activities and opinions. It’s time to add some new blood to the mix.

Dean told me earlier this week that since he values his energy and space, he’s extremely selective about who gets an invitation into his life. At first, that didn’t make a ton of sense to me because I’m such a social butterfly, but the more I think about this with my new perspective, the more sense his logic makes!

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So, that’s what’s happening in my mind/world this week. Lots of self-reflection within all my various roles (mother, daughter, girlfriend, etc.) underway and I have to say that I’m really happy to do so. It’s been a long time coming and it feels good to grow. I hope you’re growing, too. As always, thanks for the read. ♥

Til next time,

Hardy Har

The Pursuit of Higher Self

 

 

 

 

 

 

Active High Sesh: Affirming Positive Change

 

Hey guys! Welcome back to my stoner corner of the internet. I am so thrilled you stopped by! 

I bet you can guess what today’s post is about. I’ll give you a hint: the title says it all! If you guessed affirmations, change, and POSITIVITY, then you guessed correctly! Sorry, I’m all out of prizes, but hey, at least you get to read the amazing prose I laid down for you. Ha. 

Before I let you get to the post, I want to discuss the amazing menu. I didn’t mention anything about the high in the post so I want to make sure I highlight that information. After all, this is a cannabis lifestyle blog! 

So, this combo was sooooooo damn amazing that I really want to smoke it again tonight! It is just ridiculously awesome! It’s a hybrid combo, but it is predominantly indica based and it packs a major punch! That punch consists of deep, deep thinking (I personally love that), extreme focus (like, laser-focused), with a little social buzz thrown in. Oh! And how could I forget about the crazy, amazing, delicious, sexy time flare Wet Dream brought to the party. What can I say? This combo is the perfect trifecta! 

 

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11/14/17

King Louis + Wet Dream (absolutely f*cking amazing mix)

9: 51 Affirmations. That seems to be the theme of this dwindling day of mine. The fact that I am even writing anything about affirmations at all is a blaring sign of just how much I have changed. Wow. Sometimes I need to take a moment and appreciate my growth.

Anyway, as I was saying: I’ve been thinking a lot about affirmations lately. I have even gone so far as to actually start doing them on my own and with The Kiddo. It occurred to me that we didn’t do our affirmations today. I used to think that whether doing affirmations or not, it would have no impact on my day. I believed that, even to the smallest degree, up until today when I realized I noticed the absence of my self-love.

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Isn’t that something? To me it is everything! I could tell a difference in my overall perspective of my day. I felt very lazy mentally. I couldn’t quite get motivated to go above and beyond. I felt myself slipping into complacency, the complete opposite direction of where I’m trying to go. Complacency is a place I’ve been before, where I dwelled and built a life. I now seek a new experience.

Needless to say, I mentally said a few affirmations this evening. I needed to reign in that negative energy and replace it with the ease of positivity. I have to admit, it felt good. Got me to thinking, “Hey, why didn’t I do this earlier?” It really is such a simple thing, but it effectively reminded me to tap into my Higher Self.

It’s the implementation of a thought process. One that is free of negative constraints. Try it and see for yourself! Before you know it, you’re wearing locs in your hair, smoking weed, and writing a blog about affirming yourself. Ha! See what I mean about the change I mentioned earlier? The woman I am today wasn’t even a possibility for the woman I was a year ago.

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Even though I have been on the path to Higher Self since 2011, I can honestly say that I have learned more since my stoner birthday in Feb 2017 than I have up until that point. The speed of change and enlightenment within/of myself has helped me blossom rapidly. As I just pointed out, I am almost unrecognizable as a person.

Every time someone points it out to me, I can’t help but laugh. I truly am the happiest I have been in my life, even through situations that have been very, very challenging. Some days are better than others and some days are positively great, but at the end of each one, I am happy still. I’m learning and practicing to begin and end each day by choosing to be happy.

I want to choose levity, not gravity –and I’m not only referring to getting stoned, though that is a valid point 😆. I’m saying I want to choose to tell myself everyday that I am awesome and good so that I can deliver my light to other people. If I am always down in the dumps, how much positivity is present? Not much. That means that I am then causing negative impacts to other people. 10:01

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10:02 A couple of hours ago, we started watching Lisa Nichols interviews on YouTube and she spoke very firmly about affirming herself daily and rigorously. Ironic? I don’t think so. Affirmations were on my mind and the universe gave me exactly what I wanted. I only had to think it and Bam! Just like that, I watched something that prompted me to do what I already knew I should have done.

I digress. She said that she affirmed herself  7 times a day with variations of 3 core sentences:

  1. “I Am Proud That You…”
  2. “I Forgive You (for)…”
  3. “I Commit to You…”

Each time I heard her say it again, it became more inspiring. Needless to say, by the end of the last video, I was affirming myself. And because I affirmed myself, I decided to write because I knew I wanted to do so. I made a choice to not let myself down.

I don’t know if you buy into all of these things that I’m saying, but my one hope is that some seemingly random person will read this and be inspired to make him/herself happy. If that person is you, please know that there’s at least one other person ( me 🤗) who believes you have the power to change your life and you CAN do it! You can. YOU CAN! 10:31

Til Next Time,

Hardy HarThe Pursuit of Higher Self

Active High Sesh: Big Mouth, Bigger High

Hey tokers! Welcome back to my page. This blog post was actually written October 24, 2017, but for whatever reason, I never posted it. I am here to remedy that right now! 

On this night, Dean had the brilliant idea to make a super hybrid! It’s always exciting to try new mixes. I’ve smoked and documented these individual strains before so it was interesting to me to try them all at once. This is probably one of my favorite combos. 

It was relaxing and social, but the indica notes present in the combo provided that focus I am addicted to. Granted, there were plenty of times I got distracted, I can say that I was still able to get quite a bit accomplished that night. 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the read and visit me again soon! 

 


 

Menu: Jack Herrer (sativa) + Blue Dream (hybrid) + Platinum Dutch Treat (hybrid)

Food: Some delicious fajita style chicken and veggies sans the tortilla and Cascadian Farm Honey Oat granola cereal. Lol Random as f*ck!

7:41 We started smoking about 45 mins (I think) ago, but I didn’t start taking notes until now. So, Dean and I have been watching this show called Big Mouth on Netflix. Guys, let me tell you something: I have NEVER laughed so hard at a show! It’s one of those animated adult cartoons like South Park, but WAY funnier! I mean, this shit is 100% relatable AND it tackles major stereotypes and social problems by making you think and laugh hilariously! Just watch it because my description is not doing it justice! 7:46

7:48 Earlier, I asked 20 other cannabis users which of them smoked for depression/anxiety. Only two female smokers responded and they both had similar experiences to mine: anxiety and/or depression prone, but functional. The first half of the day, I was chipper, excited, and motivated. By the second half of the day, I began to feel down in the dumps. Guys, this rollercoaster of despair only ever occurs when I am on my period!! I had PMS prior to Feb 2017, but since I started smoking weed, I feel like I have the WORST PMS ever and it lasts the whole period and not just the beginning like before!! Sorry for the TMI, but for the female smokers out there, maybe you’ll understand what I’m saying. I feel like I need to smoke more than my usual amount to compensate for the PMS, otherwise I crash. It’s crazy. Has anyone else felt this way? 7:54

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Yeah…this pretty much sums it up!

7:56 Dean and I are talking about what we think is happening when my emotions get like this. He said, when we first met, my regular demeanor was at a baseline of negativity. Meaning, feeling down was normal, so I could function very well there. When I started progressing and making small changes (those turned into bigger changes) in my life, my baseline became more positive, meaning feeling HAPPY became the norm. So, when my hormones come in and shit on my life (thanks Mother Nature), it drags me back to that negative space and I can’t handle it! That’s the rollercoaster! It totally makes sense now why it hits me so hard. Being a Debbit Downer simply isn’t normal to me anymore. I have moved passed that, even prior to smoking weed in February. The difference is that I feel freer in general. I hope this makes sense to you. We could be way off base, but that seems to make so much sense right now. It describes exactly what I am experiencing. 8:04

8:11 We just hit a dead zone in our exciting conversation. Lol. We were so hyped up about our business ideas and then we just went back to working: me with the blog post, him with his business Instagram page. Ya’ll, he for real started the day with 500 followers. It is 8:12 pm on the same day and he now just reached 17k (Now over 40k)!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are freaking out! He even has his own trending hashtag!!! So damn exciting! Now I need to implement what he did on my shit and watch this blog take off! ::kicks self in ass:: lol! 8:15

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Ha! Me trying to focus when I am high.

8:21 About the high: Well, this is some type of homemade hybrid again (we have the habit of getting locked into a pattern of the same thing) featuring Jack Herrer + Bluedream + Dutch Platinum. It’s got that harsh, vampire thirst throat burn that I absolutely loathe! I always know when we are smoking JH because it is such a harsh inhale to me. The motherfucker will get you high, but it’ll burn your throat out in the process! Anyway, this combo is one hell of a cocktail! I feel so much better than I did before, but mellow at the same time. Euphoria isn’t present, but I don’t even care because the high is so uplifting! Really good combo! I bet I will sleep like I’m in a coma. Haha! Love those deep sleeps! 8:25

8:29 We’re back to watching Big Mouth and it just refuses to disappoint! The jokes are just soooooo inappropriate and hilarious! This is the perfect high-sesh-thing to watch! As it is, I could barely finish this note because I was laughing so hard. If you’re sensitive, don’t watch it. If you’re open minded and/or high, go for it!! You won’t regret it! 8:36

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9:20 Wow, I can’t believe it’s been almost two hours! We finished all of Big Mouth and were so sad that we couldn’t continue to watch the show that we started it over from the beginning! This first episode is the funniest thing I have ever seen! Lmao! It is ridiculously funny! (In case you didn’t notice, I am totally BAKED right now!) 9:22

9:24 Dean went to make himself some tacos and I sorta accidentally smoked like 90% of what was left in the bowl! LMAO! I literally started stifle-laughing so he wouldn’t hear me! He’s gonna be in for an unhappy surprise when he comes back! 😂​ Actually, there’s a chance that he may be too baked to even notice. We shall see. 9:27

9:35 He noticed. 😂😂😂​ Refill time, please! 9:35

9:46 This show…OMG please watch it! So, it’s been two hours since I started typing this. Feels like it’s been about an hour. I can’t get over the weird thing that happens to time when you’re inebriated by whatever preferred substance (i.e. alcohol, mushrooms, etc.). What is it about time when we are high? I need to look that shit up and read someone else’s thoughts about it. Haha. Anyway, I am going to call it quits for the night. It’s been 2 hours and a thousand words later, cheerio, dahlings!

Til next time,

Hardy Har

The Pursuit of Higher Self