Happy New Year, my wonderful weed-loving friends and supporters! I hope the end of 2017 rounded out merrily for you and yours and that the intro to 2018 has been off to a magical start!
You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit MIA. What began as a holiday hiatus, quickly segued into a holiday, death-inducing flu recovery. Ya’ll, I have never in my life had a flu like this monster! If you’ve been subjected to the horror that is this season’s nasty influenza nightmare, you deserve a f*cking MEDAL! This thing right here is NO JOKE!
It’s begins like a thief in the night. Not a single problem, symptom, or warning. Then suddenly BAM! You’re knocking on death’s door for 10 miserable days! This illness took out my whole household and then some! Almost everyone in my immediate family has gotten sick with this, except my stepfather and my sister…so far.
Anyway, I said all that to say that I spent my NYE trying not to perish in my bed from this horrible virus. However, I gotta say that despite all the illness, 2018 is already off to a great start! There have been a couple of things that previously would have had me backpedaling into a semi-negative perception, but not this time!
I accepted all the shortcomings, fails, poor decisions, and missed opportunities of 2017. I chalked it up to “Ok, all that happened, so what’s next?” and decided to keep it moving. I know I put some positive ideas in motion to help me solve some of the problems I created towards the end of the year. Thankfully, I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (FINALLY).
That light brings with it many blessings, but the one that I’m most interested in is “drive.” Yeah, that little five letter word has really given me pause. You see, I’m now 32 years old and I can admit that I’ve spent my life lacking drive and ambition. I was pretty complacent with my life for many years. I had tons of ideas, but no real desire to do anything with them.
But thanks to all the hard [READ painful] work I put into my personal growth last year, I’m proud to report that drive has taken root inside me and I feel it’s quiet buzz and hum under my skin, coursing through my veins. I hear it in the conversations I have with people and I see it in my thoughts.
The realization that I’ve actually committed to something for the long haul, and not my usual temporary distraction, has empowered me! It’s what has kept me focused in my mind while my body has been shutting down. It’s kept me networking and creating valuable connections with people I otherwise may not have engaged with.
It has kept me from getting discouraged and wanting to throw in the towel. It’s what pushes me to write and contemplate new topics. You guys, I can’t stress enough how happy I am about this change within myself! It’s liberating and exciting! I’m driven to see my vision come to fruition and I’m so proud of that. About f*cking time! Haha!
So, what now? Well, it’s time to up the ante! There were a number of important items on my To Do list that, *surprise*, didn’t get done. I’m so tired of them being incomplete and decided that they will get done by then end of February. Those things include finally launching my new site, uploading my first Podcast episodes (two episodes already recorded), having my logo and cards created, and giving hard energy to my ganja yoga project with my friend.
In the past, maybe all of that would have seemed overwhelming, but now I know I’ll complete those tasks by the deadline (hopefully ahead of schedule). The only option I have is to succeed in whatever I set out to do. I can honestly say, I didn’t feel that way about my blog before. I was doing some of necessary activities and it certainly was important to me, but I still kept thinking of “outs.”
I was the queen of multiple plan Bs. People who know me personally can attest to that. In theory it seems like a good idea to have “options,” but take a it from a person whose life was built on that. It’s hell. Pure mayhem! It created conflict where it never would have been. Everything was a distraction or could potentially be.
And that same principle is what was happening in my mind about the blog. I kept telling myself, “Hey, if this doesn’t work out, you have all these other talents.” Now, it’s not incorrect. I do have other talents, but so what? If I never pick one, what am I truly accomplished at? A whole lotta nada!
But, somehow, while I wasn’t looking, this became the only thing I want to do. I accept that I prefer to communicate by writing and it feels natural. I like it and I want to keep doing it. So that’s it. I don’t have another option because I choose not to. And just like that, a girl is driven. Haha Dope AF. 😎
Dean always tells me, and has been since we met, “I don’t know what you can’t do. I know that when you focus on something, you can max that sh*t out!” I used to be a little baffled by that comment. I never could quite get what he meant. To me it seemed very obvious what I couldn’t do. Tsk tsk. How incredibly shortsighted of me.
Now that I know better, I’m excited to prove my old self wrong. I’m ready to show myself that I can do what in the entire, flying fuck I want. And what I want is to win.
See you next week, guys. As always, thanks for reading.