Fear: It’s Useless So GET RID OF IT!

Fear: a tiny four letter world, seemingly insignificant, but responsible for many of our poor decisions. Don’t believe me? Keep reading.

I have mentioned before, probably numerous times, that I am not an expert about things in general, but I know a lot about many different things, and most importantly, I AM an expert about MYSELF. I can honestly admit that 99% of the dreams, goals, ideas, ideals, aspirations, and inventions I have had over the years were deemed “too scary” for me to pursue. Now, that acknowledgment begs the question, “What in the world are you afraid of, girl!?” Well, let me count the ways (lol): I am afraid of failing, afraid of succeeding, afraid of hard work, afraid of sacrifice, afraid that I have no clue what in the world I am doing, afraid of being judged, and afraid of letting myself down. Pheew! That’s a lot of shit to be afraid of! Seeing the words types out is kind of like a shock to my mind. My Higher Self is like, “Girl, if you don’t stop being ridiculous and let us live this amazing life!” And you know what? She’s not wrong. What a waste of the MOST important commodity in life: TIME! Okay, so it should be a piece of cake to stop wasting my time on BS, unhelpful f-e-a-r, right? Well, let’s just say that is easier said than done, but certainly not impossible.

 

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How does marijuana fit into all this?

Way back in 2011, I was going through a majorly tough time. I was getting divorced, preparing for a custody battle, and was being screened for cervical AND ovarian cancer. I was feeling really shitty and SCARED! I was so afraid that I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, hardly smiled, and my body was manifesting all that negative energy. By the end of the year, when I finally received a miraculously clean bill of health, I told myself I was going to begin changing my life. I started saying “yes” to a few things I normally would shy away from and the behavior became contagious. Once I changed one thing, I had to keep making other changes.

Fast forward 6 years, I said “yes” to trying medical marijuana when my anxiety was beginning to get the best of me. At first it was just mere curiosity, but the second time I smoked (the first time was racked with paranoia), I noticed a major change in my personality. I immediately decided I needed to document my emotional and mental reactions and thus, this blog was born. At the time, I didn’t know I would be blogging about it in an open forum, but I was committed to taking detailed notes for my own personal growth.

In documenting my experiences, I’ve noticed that I am beginning to take the lessons I learn while I am high, and applying them to my sober life. For example, it’s easy to be fun, compassionate, caring, and easy-going when I’m high, but often times those things don’t come out unless I feel secure. When I’m high, I am always confident, secure, and relaxed, but the question became, “How can I be like this all the time?” Once I started having higher expectations of myself, it was a little easier to open myself up to even more opportunities. I found myself at social events where I formerly would’ve been a wallflower, suddenly morphed into the belle of the ball! I was boldly starting conversations with strangers, actively listening (not just waiting for the chance to talk), and even dancing! Ya’ll the dancing is HUGE for me! My friends still can’t believe I dance now when we go out, but my way of thinking is, I can’t believe I didn’t dance before.

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Photo Credit: Colorbox

 


Talk yourself UP, not down.

I always say that fear is crippling. I feel so incapacitated by it sometimes that it’s overwhelming. A perfect example of that is my writing. Logically I know I can write decently, and there is some type of enjoyment in it, but I am always plagued with mental blocks that deter me from being truly great. My initial go-to reaction is “Ugh, I don’t want to do this” or “What am I going to write about? I’m no expert.” Yeah, I basically talk myself out of it before I can even get started! Talk about destructive behavior. Geesh!

Because I am new to this New Thought way of thinking, my initial thoughts are still often negative and fear based, so I started rudely interrupting myself and interjecting positivity instead! It may sound silly, but as soon as I feel myself thinking something unhelpful, I allow my Higher Self to butt in and say something like “You’re an excellent writer with a great message to share.” I gotta admit, just reading that made me feel a little better and more confident. In a world full of Debbie Downers looking to drag my mental state to hell, why should I jump on the bandwagon? If I am not cheering for myself, who the hell else will? So, START BUILDING YOURSELF UP, too!


Don’t worry, you’ve done this before.

Yes, we know it isn’t easy peasy to just get rid of our fears, but as I previously said, it isn’t impossible. I have learned that NOTHING is impossible if the mind truly believes in it. Think about it this way: have you ever wanted to purchase something that was outside of your budget, but you felt like you just had to have it anyway? What did you do to obtain what you wanted? This excludes someone else buying it for you; although, in some of those situations, you still likely had to do something to earn a gift, but I want you to allow your mind to focus on a time when you had to depend on yourself to get it. In all likelihood, you had to save money by skipping short term gratifying desires like dining out, shopping, etc. Or perhaps you needed to pick up a secondary stream of income.

Whatever method you used, it was all apart of the process to help you achieve your goal. It required sacrifice of your time, energy, and physical endurance. Do you see where this is going? I bet you do! So, if you apply that same commitment and energy to any goal, why wouldn’t the outcome be a success? More importantly, why aren’t our goals just as important as some bauble, game, or vacation? It’s a valid question and one that I have begun asking myself (clearly I just ask questions of myself all day. LBVS). At the end of the day, holding on to fear is only forcing what I truly desire further and further from my grasp and THAT, my friends, is the truly terrifying reality.

 

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Best advice?

Be kind and forgiving to yourself. Recognize that vulnerability can be scary, sure, but you also need it to be brave. Bravery to me is courage + fear. It’s okay to be afraid, but only as far as a general human reaction. Please, please, PLEASE do not allow it to incapacitate you. I know it’s tempting to give in to the downward spiral of fear and negativity, but do your absolute BEST to break that vicious, sh*tty cycle. Where as it ever gotten you, anyway? Don’t forget, there’s always a sweet little heaven-sent plant that’s been cultivated, nurtured, and packaged at your local dispensary just for you. There’s no shame in giving yourself a little push of enlightenment. Besides…you might even enjoy it.😉

Til next time, tokers and jokers.

Hardy Har

The Pursuit of Higher Self

 

Happiness = Positive Intent + Action

Menu Right Now:

Weed: Gorilla Glue + Green Ribbon


Hi guys. Thanks for stopping by again. So, the below post was actually written Saturday, October 14, 2017, but it has been a rather hectic few weeks for me. 

This post is a different animal for me, but I have to preface it by saying how happy I am that my message took this turn. I truly feel like the last week cumulatively contributed to the “ah-ha” moment I wrote about. I finally understand how vital being positive intrinsically is to life. The burdens I was suffering through up until Friday night/Saturday morning have dissipated from my immediate attention. I am focused only on helping others and being of good service to the world and am completely aware of my power to control my situations. This isn’t to say that the problems don’t need to be corrected, but it does allow me to be uplifted mentally so that I can focus on problem resolution. It may sound confusing, but I can assure you it isn’t. It is literally your own state of mind that will propel you forward. It is as simple as believing in yourself. That’s it. From there you are happy to be vulnerable enough to be of service to others. This is followed by your receipt of good karma. If what goes around comes around, it makes sense that if you live positively you’ll only receive good come-arounds. For a far better explanation, PUHLEASE check out a Michael Beckwith video on YouTube. Omg!

Alright, I won’t blab your head off because you still have the actual blog post to read. Let me know your thoughts, friends. 

Cheers,

Hardy Har


 

I have been living a strange pattern lately. Well, technically, all of our lives are composed of patterns, strange and/or otherwise. Anyway, the pattern: I noticed that when I am stressed and focused on the situation that encouraged the stress, I lose control of my thinking. This is not limited to one specific task or function. It encompasses all aspects of my life from my sleeping habits to eating habits to social behaviors and every single thing in between. When I’m in these moments of fear, (because that is all stress is: the manifestations of our internal fears), I feel crippled and unable to tap into my Higher Self. Higher Self has all the answers and has allowed for and provided all the necessary tools to remove myself from whatever prison I have decided to encase myself in. When I am consumed by my fear (aka stressed out), I wake up every single morning at 3 am completely unable to go back to sleep. It matters not how much of that sweet plant, mari-juana, I have smoked, I can always count on waking up at 3 in the morning. Of course up until that point, I will have slept like the dead, but if fear is present, I know I am waking up at 3 period. Isn’t that a strange phenomenon? How is it possible that I can do that? That any of us can do that? Well, I have come to realize that our minds, and the limitations we impose on Higher Self, are responsible for the fucked up patterns. Because I allow myself to be incapacitated by fear, I lose control over myself and thus every single situation. I become sad, depressed, jealous, and/or negative very easily and in doing so, subconsciously tell myself every single day that I am not going to sleep thoroughly and peacefully. Now, of course I don’t remember ever thinking those thoughts, but that is my point! The consciousness that allows me to move, breathe, and live is also telling me to wake up and focus on whatever stressful situation is present. You guys, that type of power is amazing! Imagine if I used it to focus on the positive things happening simultaneously with the negative situation (because, lets face it, there is always a silver lining)! The situation becomes insignificant because I will have found the value of its presence and thus have taken control over my perspective. If I perceive things to be a different way, then they are! Are you feeling me? I am finally starting to get what ALL those motivational and positive gurus out there have been saying. They literally have been saying the same things over and over: the formula to ultimate happiness. They have been saying that we already have any tool needed to elevate ourselves to the next level if only we tap into it. Sure, I could hear and shallowly understand what they were saying, but on a fundamental level, I was missing the message which was, “Hey, you. YOU are controlling this whole situation. You asked for this in some way and you have positioned yourself systematically and consistently for this exact moment.” I have control? YES, I do and so do you! I don’t know about you, but isn’t that such an immensely empowering recognition? If the laws of the universe say, “you get exactly what you give,” then if I gave my life nothing but positivity that I CHOOSE, of course my consequences will also be good!

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Remember when I said in another post that good decisions yield good consequences? Well, here it is in practice! I guess I am just late to the party, because here I am, at 5:39 am feeling compelled to write this blog post after nearly two weeks of not having done it at all! I could have chosen to wake up, lie in bed, grab my phone and tune my HIgher Self out with bullshit, manufactured distractions, but this time I didn’t. I CHOSE to be productive because I realize I hold the power to my own success and failure in equal measure! This revelation changed my life in this exact moment, because the present is all that matters. I learned a very interesting fact this week, that has me fascinated and that is this: the subconscious only knows the present. The past and future DO NOT exist to the subconscious mind. It does NOT CARE what information it is fed, so long as it IS fed. The question from that is this: why not control my mental diet? Why not live for this exact second and not a single millisecond before or beyond now?

As people, we are so consumed with the maybe of tomorrow and the “coulda, shoulda, woulda” of yesterday, that we neglect the presence and power of NOW. What if I lived each moment thinking only of this moment and driven by the positive intent to happily impact those around me? Yeah…are you starting to get the picture? There’s really no limit on whatever you just imagined. It can be as big as you allow it to be. I woke up totally in touch with my Higher Self this morning and ALLOWED it to drive this car. I simply desired it, believed I could do it, and DID! Simple as that. I wanted to feel happy and fulfilled and knew writing a new and different blog post to SHARE (key word) with other people would give me what I desired! It’s cyclical! This is the exact same method that brings negativity to my life. I decided at some point, subconsciously, that I would turn the results into something I actually wanted. THIS is the marvelous effect cannabis has brought to my life. It allowed me to relax mentally and emotionally enough to start learning from myself. I see absolutely nothing negative in this moment. Right now, I am aware of my Higher Self, which is the best version of me. Actually, not only am I aware of it, I AM IT. It’s almost like a completely different person, a POSITIVE person. A person with an insatiable desire and WILLINGNESS to learn and progress led only by positive intent. This is what God is to me. The ability to harness my natural talents and tools within my environment, which is of my own creation (of course). Do you see how EVERYTHING always ties back to personal choices? If that’s happening to me, it damn sure is happening to the other 7 or 8 billion people in the world. Each of us are living the consequences of our decisions, which are purely based on our thoughts. How good or bad those consequences are depends on how much positive intent was involved in the process.

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What do I mean by positive intent? Positive intent is the concern of bringing positivity to others. It is totally fine to be selfish WHEN you lead with positive intent. That looks like this example: I want to be happy. I already know making other people happy brings me great joy so I decide to share goodness and thus immediately bring happiness to myself. Did you get that? The intent that my happiness is dependent on the happiness my decisions bring to others. This logic applies to every situation because the situation doesn’t really matter. The important factor is my reaction, which is always within my control. So, I can be feeling creative and want to do an art project. I could totally sit on my own and let my creative juices flow, but maybe I have neglected spending as much time with The Kiddo. Here’s the positive intent: invite her to be creative with me. Truly a simple solution, but lets face it, one that many of us fail to implement because we are so consumed about what WE want and not about how we can be of service to others. Guys, this formula of happiness = positive intent + action never fails. I always somehow get exactly what I wanted in the first place out of the new scenario that included bringing positivity to someone else. Never. Fails. I have applied this to many different areas of my life (romantic, professional, financial, etc) and it works every time. Now, the problem is I do not consistently do it. At some point I choose to be selfish without any positive intent and things start to get ugly fast. Here is where words like greedy, conceited, and shallow come in. Bringing positivity to others can be whatever the situation calls for. Whether it’s visiting a friend in the hospital or offering a helping hand to a stranger or writing a helpful blog post. Those are situations that were driven by the desire to shed light on someone outside of myself. It only makes sense that I too will benefit from those actions. I am sure I will gain exactly what I wanted to!

I never used to think like this, guys! I never used to focus on my mental and spiritual well-being in this way. Oh, how I’ve changed (and FOR THE BETTER)! I’m finally snatching change and in doing so improving my life because I believe I am in control. Knowing I possess the power is empowering and when I fail to harness it positively, that’s when the sadness, depression, and anxiety can seep in. It seeps because I now have the understanding that I chose to feel that way. I chose to be in whatever situation causes fear and I chose to give in to it. The disappointment in the failure to choose control and happiness is what causes all that negative spiraling we are all guilty for. This new way of thinking has been greatly propelled by my use of medical marijuana. Yes, at some point in my life (in 2011, actually) I decided that I was going to change for the better, but the boost weed has given my growth is immeasurable. My relationships with my child, boyfriend, family, friends, and strangers have completely changed. People that have known me for years often can’t recognize me, physically AND spirtually. They are constantly shocked to know who I truly am underneath all the bullshit I put on top of myself. The change is mental/spiritual and by design, trickles in and impacts other things as a side effect. My skin is clearer than it was 6 years ago, I am healthier physically, I workout, I am more confident, and the list literally could go on and on. Hell, I have a blog now! That in it and of itself is amazing because for the past 15 years people have CONSISTENTLY told me I should write. I always technically could, but didn’t desire it. I suppressed my own talent and ignored it not realizing how much positivity it could bring to others and ultimately to myself. Somehow the universe still served it up on a platter; a platter based on my own damn menu! Ha! I just cannot get over how this works!

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Even as I write this, I am amazed by the power of my own being. It’s contagious because now I want to apply this to EVERYTHING and watch what happens! Tonight we are having a sleepover for my daughter. I spent yesterday being stressed out by the thought of all that still needs to be accomplished by this afternoon. I wasted so much energy of the situations, that I ignored the fact that it will be an easy success if I choose it to be so. It’s now 6:15 and I have decided that WE all will have a blast because I want it to be awesome. Period. The Kiddo will enjoy herself and so will all of her friends because I am going to put all of my effort into making sure they do. In doing so, I KNOW we all will be happy and carefree. I am looking forward to writing the next blog post and sharing what a major success the party was. Stay tuned, guys. Things are about to be AWESOME!

Oh, and remember to be thankful and grateful for every single amazing thing in your life today. Why? Because it feels good (feels better when you’re high, though. hehe 🤗)!

The Pursuit of Higher Self

 

 

Active High Sesh: Manic Monday

Hi guys, thanks for stopping by my page! Today’s blog post (written yesterday, 10/2/17) is a short[er] post. Since we usually smoke at night (the kiddo is back home from camp, so back to our regular schedule), we had an emotional day with all the staying up to date regarding the shooting in Las Vegas and the sudden death of a family member. By the end of it all, we just wanted to chill and try to decompress our brains. I think we were purposely avoiding talking further about either tragedy and instead chatted about how little we actually smoke!

I could have sworn we were like the biggest (and newest) stoners ever! Haha! Turns out there are people out there toking up MAJORLY Monday through Sunday. Since Dean and I share our bowls, we essentially are smoking half of whatever we fill them with. Lately, we have been using a pretty small bowl on Glass Castle because I had previously mentioned to Dean that it seemed like we didn’t need to use the large bowls all the time. Our stuff is top quality shit, so I don’t think we need to smoke 10 bowls a day to get high. We get high as kites as it is, what more could we want? Anyway, let’s get into it. Menus:


Weed: Blue Dream (sativa dom) + Banana Bread (hybrid)

Food: Krispy Krunchy Chicken (they have THEEEE BEST biscuits EVER!)

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Photo courtesy of Krispy Krunchy Chicken

 

7:13 We started smoking about 6:45ish on this grim Monday evening. Today was a tough one. It’s the morning after that tragic shooting in Vegas and in addition, the loss of a family member (unrelated occurrence). ::Sigh:: Even Dean was down today. It’s hard to believe that these horrible things happen to people. I know I should, but I just can’t get used to all the ugliness in this world. Interestingly enough, the more I smoke, the more I repel negativity. Things that are bad seem to hurt me even more deeply. My compassion level has increased x 10. I was always empathetic and compassionate, but now I am even more so. Needless to say, today shook me. 7:19

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Photo credit: KUIC

 

7:22 So, tonight Dean mixed up an interesting combo. I had mentioned to him that I haven’t been sleeping as deeply as I have previously. I surmise it’s due to the high amounts of sativa strains I’ve been smoking lately. Anyway, we were chatting about that and that conversation reminded us that I learned something interesting from some of the weed FB groups I’m in: we don’t smoke as much as we think we do. In comparison to more seasoned smokers, we hardly smoke, despite smoking daily! A lot of the group members boasted about smoking a gram of two a day. Dean and I definitely don’t smoke that much at once; however, we are smoking top shelf, organic, premium grade. It seems to me that it makes a difference, but I haven’t actually researched it. I know that when we smoke with other people who have been smoking for years, we usually outsmoke them. I think the quality of our stash makes us need less of it to get our highs on! 7:30

7:31 About the high: my sense of smell has definitely increased. Lord, I am smelling everything! Also, my focus is kicking in hard. I am super content just typing away this blog post. Dean decided to try playing The Evil Within (you know how we love out scary games and movies). It looks like it might be pretty promising. Side note: Dean thinks it’s some type of special talent that I can type and watch him play the game at the same time. Lol! 7:37

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7:38 Umm, okay. This game just got way the fuck real! How can it be that we have not played this shit before?! 7:38

7:40 Oh! I forgot to mention earlier that I may be writing a blog post about Ganja Yoga very soon. Stay tuned for that! 7:42 (I was clearly side-tracked here! took a whole two minutes to write those two sentences. Lol!)

7:47 Dean has come to the conclusion that we will need a Walkthrough for this game. Neither of us has the fuck to give to figure out all these tiny little details on our own! LBVS! 7:49

7:51 Uh oh. Somehow Dean and I landed on our favorite daily topic: racism against African people everywhere. We talk about that every single day because each and everyday we are subjected to it. SMH 7:54

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Photo courtesy of stonerdays.com

 

7:55 About the high now: Since Dean concocted this medley of two strains, I am now feeling the effects of the indica notes. I feel physically relaxed. The hyper-sensitivity of my senses that I earlier experienced is gone. I still have cotton mouth though (I realize I forgot to mention that in the previous “about the high”). This shit does cause some serious cotton mouth, though. Damn! Where’s the water hose?! 7:58

7:58 Okay, Dean wants me to read the Walkthrough now so I think I’ll call it a night for this Active High Sesh. If I was reminded of only one thing from the aftermath of the horrific events of yesterday, it’s to make sure to live each day emphatically and honestly: love deeply, respect completely, and live happily. Have a great day/night, folks. 8:02

Til next time,

Hardy Har


Summary Notes:

This hybrid mixture was the perfect amount of mellow to apply to Manic Monday. We both worked on our businesses, laughed, played, ate, and watched some old school 90s cartoons. I didn’t reach euphoria, which is always preferred if I am trying to work, but I was extremely relaxed and happy. I’d say the proper descriptor is “uplifted.” We felt incredibly uplifted. There was still that social buzz, but instead of feeling like the-turnt-up-duo-at-a club, we felt more like the-amazing-duo-that-hosted-a-great-dinner-among-friends. Does that make sense? Haha. Anyway, I was definitely digging this medley. Shout out to Dean for always hookin’ a sistah up!

The Pursuit of Higher Self